Gen Z Would Rather Receive Financial Advice From TikTok, Mr. Krabs Stars in Financial Role, Crypto Bros Dig Into Hardened Military Facility, GERM Switches From COVID-19 to Monkeypox and More
Contributing Editor & Research Analyst,
Wealth Solutions Report
As I sit here looking out of the windows of my walkup apartment in downtown Phoenix watching heat mirages dance on the pavement, I’m as joyful as an air-conditioned soul can be with the epiphany that so many have come around to a pessimistic worldview.
As we all know, “misery loves company,” and though I sit here alone, I feel the groundswell of nihilistic pessimism from this month’s bizarre news articles – the cacophony of the whimpering voices of civilizational decay.
When the next generation of Americans decides that finfluencers are smarter than financial advisors, you know the glass is half empty.
When a wealthtech company must make financial videos with a “Spongebob” character, that glass gets a little emptier.
When crypto bros spend half a billion to fit out a data center in a bunker in remote North Dakota, you can smell the aroma of the apocalyptic.
And the pure void you sense when a fund profits off pandemics can only be topped by an “accused” racist advisor who demands $100 million for her trouble.
But for all this euphoric bliss of nihilism, sometimes the story can go so far it disturbs even me, like the first one below.
1) CFP Board Suspends Alleged Child P*rnographer, Others
“TheCertified Financial Planner Board of Standards says it has suspended three financial professionals from being able to use the CFP designation.
“Jason Cooke of Clayton, Delaware was arrested on April 28 and charged with five counts of felony dealing in child p*rnography…”
The “others” in the headline were accused of pedestrian things – vehicular homicide and failing to disclose a conflict of interest, but Cooke, if he did as alleged, took depravity to a level beyond anything we’ve covered in this column – and that’s saying a lot.
Some things even upset a nihilist, and I’ve nothing more to say here.
To read the full article by Alex Padalka of Financial Advisor IQ, click here.
2) Former LPL Rep Accused of Racism Sues the IBD for Taking Her Clients
“Eileen Cure was terminated by LPL last summer after accusations of racism against Black job applicants. Now, she’s suing the firm for almost $100 million, claiming it stole her clients illegally.”
“Cure wrote to her office manager, ‘I specifically said no blacks. I’m not a prejudiced person, but our clients are 90 percent white, and I need to cater to them, so that interview was a complete waste of my time…’”
“‘Upon termination of its relationship with Cure, without notice, Defendant immediately cut Cure off from all communication with her clients,’ the complaint read.”
So if Cure’s not prejudiced, is her logic that she just believes 90% of her clients at the time this complaint was filed were?
How sweet. The next time you’re accused of being a racist, just demand $100 million instead.
To read the full article by Patrick Donachie of WealthManagement.com, click here.
3) Most Gen Zers Prefer Financial Advice from TikTok, YouTube
“Only 24% of Gen Zers go to advisors, while 34% head to TikTok and 33% to YouTube, according to marketing firm Vericast.”
“And close to half of respondents says they go to friends or family for financial advice, Vericast found.”
Who needs an advisor when finfluencers, who have demonstrated their skills by including flashy sports cars and expensive watches in their videos, can tell you how to invest?
Every generation needs to get burned – it’s part of the maturing process. Gen Z needs more financial disasters because Shiba Inu clearly didn’t do the job, nor did the Icarian meme stonks of yesteryear.
Keep watching finfluencers kiddos! The wisdom you’ll gain is worth the price you’ll pay.
To read the full article by Alex Padalka of Financial Advisor IQ, click here.
4) Mr. Krabs of ‘Spongebob’ fame demos Envestnet client portal
“The RIA tech company is appealing to pop culture sensibilities to demonstrate the value of its software.
“On television, he’s a proud father and miserly owner of the Krusty Krab restaurant, intent on squeezing every last penny out of employees and customers.”
“‘We were looking for a character that could really showcase a complex financial situation, that had daily needs,’ Envestnet chief marketing officer Mary Ellen Dugan told Citywire. ‘We wanted to make the advisor the hero and showcase the technology they might need during these client conversations.’”
Our culture stopped reading a few decades ago (except for those of you reading this – count yourself among the best humanity has to offer!). Then we stopped watching movies. Now we watch TikTok videos with the attention span of a goldfish.
Of course no one has read “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens, or even seen any of the multiple movie adaptations. Ebenezer Scrooge devolved into Mr. Krabs, so that’s the intellectual level a firm must target.
We’re only one step away from Idiocracy.
To read the full article by Sam Bojarski of Citywire RIA, click here.
5) Bitcoin mining company to convert Cold War-era military installation into $500m data center
“Bitcoin mining company Bitzero Blockchain will acquire and redevelop the historic Stanley R. Mickelsen Safeguard Complex at Nekoma, N.D., commonly known as ‘The Pyramid.’
“Bitzero plans to develop the abandoned Cold War–era military installation into a highly secure data center for high-performance computing and data processing. Waste heat captured from the data center’s servers will be used to heat an on-site greenhouse, and the company also is planning an interpretive center and additional community engagement at the site, representing a total expected investment estimated by Bitzero at $500 million.”
It’s a shame that crypto bros will take over a hardened military installation when they serve much better as doomsday bunkers for the wealthy, who will no doubt be able to reach the Great Plains in their private jets before zombies and asteroids destroy the airports in the Hamptons.
One must wonder if the Dakota-bound crypto bros will use the computer-warmed greenhouse for growing recreational herbs during the long, frigid winters – which would reach the pinnacle of tech innovation.
To read the full article by Andrea Zander of Real Assets Adviser, click here.
6) Covid-themed ETF shifts focus to monkeypox
“As the White House declares monkeypox a national health emergency, ETFMG tweaks its marketing without adjusting the portfolio.”
“ETFMG Treatments Testing and Advancements ETF (GERM), which launched in 2020 to tap into efforts to fight Covid … has recently shifted its marketing pitch toward monkeypox, which the Biden Administration has declared a public health emergency.
“The $29 million fund from the $4.5 billion boutique shop ETF Managers Group is still made up of the same underlying investments that were gathered at the start of the global pandemic but is now trying to catch a ride on whatever momentum is building around efforts to fight monkeypox.”
A good fund manager knows when it’s time to pivot the fund’s holdings. A great fund manager knows when it’s time to keep the exact same holdings and just pivot the marketing.
I can’t really wish them well because that would mean more pandemics – or zombies. Perhaps this is the greatest contrarian investing trend ever: Buy the apocalypse!
To read the full article by Jeff Benjamin of InvestmentNews, click here.
James Miller, Contributing Editor & Research Analyst at Wealth Solutions Report, can be reached at ContributingEd@wealthsolutionsreport.com
