Larry Roth Can Never Fire Me

James Miller, Contributing Editor & Research Analyst, Wealth Solutions Report

Bizarre Industry Bazaar Continues to Capture Some of WSR’s Highest Readership Rates – How Do You Like Me Now, Larry??

In my ongoing struggles to demonstrate that I command a place in this world, this column continues to rock readers with “just the facts” and a light touch of salt from yours truly. WSR CEO Larry Roth knows beyond any doubt that I don’t just add value – I manufacture the stuff.

Sadly, my place in this world is still Phoenix, Arizona. It’s a good place to do laundry and leave the laundromat with a soaked heap of clothes that dry in the desert heat before you reach the street corner. Laundry is easy in Phoenix.

Home sweet home…

Sometimes laundry isn’t so easy, though, like when you steal millions in Bitcoin which grows into billions – all of which must be laundered – or when you seek out a financial advisor to destigmatize the proceeds for your new career in cocaine smuggling.

If your career in sex work leaves you feeling stigmatized, take heart that there’s a financial advisor available for you, even if you’ve no clothes to launder.

If all this talk of unsavory and risqué activity disturbs you, relax – I have a heartwarming family story for you today, where a loyal son provided financial management services to his father … in a ponzi scheme.

1) Credit Suisse, A Coke-Smuggling Wrestler And Stashes Of Cash

“A cocaine-smuggling Bulgarian wrestler and briefcases stuffed with banknotes are hampering scandal-weary Credit Suisse Group AG’s bid to return to boring banking. … The Zurich bank, which has suffered a slew of bad headlines over the past two years, and a former client relationship manager go on trial Monday [February 7] accused of failing to prevent money laundering by customers working with the fighter-turned-criminal.”

Wrestlers fly through the air… and due diligence?

“The female ex-Credit Suisse manager … accepted deposits of used bank notes that regularly exceeded 500,000 euros ($564,000) at a time, according to the 515-page indictment.”

Sometimes a story sounds so Kafkaesque that you check if the publication date is April 1 – but this really happened. We can take away a valuable lesson with these briefcases: The next time a burly Bulgarian wrestler walks into your office with half a million euros in bills, ask yourself if you like laundering orange suits while you await parole.

To read the full article by Hugo Miller of Financial Advisor please click here to go to Financial Advisor’s website.

2) Ex-FA Pleads Guilty to 41 Felony Charges; Victims Include His Father

“Russell Joseph Mutter, of Clemmons, North Carolina, pleaded guilty to 41 felony charges, including advisor fraud and obtaining property by false pretenses, the Winston-Salem Journal writes.”

“Mutter set up a Ponzi scheme to pay back earlier investors using new investors money and spent some of the money on hotels, living expenses and his children’s sports camps …”

“Investigators eventually identified at least 12 different victims in the scheme, including Mutter’s father, from whose investment and retirement accounts Mutter stole more than $3 million …”

“Sorry, Dad!”

We talk loads about succession planning at WSR, but we never thought of this ingenious method for an FA to secure future wealth – steal from Dad! Mutter repeatedly deceived his father to his face while pocketing millions.

The beauty of this method lies – pun intended – in its ability to override Dad’s will so your do-gooder siblings don’t even get a bag of chips out of the $3 million. Bravo!

To read the full article by Alex Padalka of Financial Advisor IQ please click here to go to Financial Advisor IQ’s website.

3) New York hipster couple charged in billion-dollar bitcoin heist were ‘serial entrepreneurs’ who used startups to launder money, prosecutors say

“On the surface, Ilya Lichtenstein, 34, and Heather Morgan, 31, seemed like an enthusiastic hipster couple trying to make it big in tech. But federal prosecutors say they were secret criminals sitting atop a huge cache of stolen bitcoin … whose value was shooting through the roof.”

“That presented serious problems for the couple, who have allegedly struggled for the past five years to launder the ever-increasing pile of money, prosecutors said. The pair had appeared to have managed to launder only about 20% of it, according to court papers. Investigators say they seized about 90,000 bitcoin worth around $3.6 billion last week from virtual wallets controlled by the couple.”

Don’t you hate when you steal something worth much more than you thought? If this couple had only stolen Shiba Inu they could have laundered it after the crash. Stealing Bitcoin is like kidnapping a baby from a mega-wealthy, well-connected couple à la Raising Arizona – our unofficial State Movie.

At least they had the good sense to steal actual Bitcoin rather than stealing a Bitcoin ATM.

To read the full article by Lukas I. Alpert of MarketWatch please click here to go to MarketWatch’s website.

4) Why Working With Strippers Makes Sense for Financial Planners

Where there’s income, there is need for financial planning

“‘There’s value to working with stigmatized groups and in markets that aren’t overly saturated,’ argues Lindsey Swanson, founder of Stripper Financial Planning, whose clientele is exclusively sex workers …”

“In addition to prostitutes, sex workers include people in the adult entertainment industry, such as strippers, actors and pornography creators; escorts; sugar babies — that is, paid sexual companions — and more.”

“For Swanson to acquire a prostitute as a client, they must work where prostitution is legal; in the U.S., that means only the state of Nevada.”

Swanson says that she treats her clients like athletes because their earnings are highest in their 20s and 30s. Not only that, but many of them pursue a career in nursing afterwards. Just think about that next time you’re at the doctor’s office in the San Fernando Valley.

In other news – now that the financial advice quandary is solved, there’s no impediment to my chosen second career as a sugar baby, should Larry decide to fire me.

To read the full article by Jane Wollman Rusoff of ThinkAdvisor please click here to go to ThinkAdvisor’s website.


James Miller, Contributing Editor & Research Analyst at Wealth Solutions Report, can be reached at ContributingEd@wealthsolutionsreport.com

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