Don’t Use Your Kid’s Pool Toys to Flee Ponzi Scheme Justice

James Miller, Contributing Editor & Research Analyst

A November Submersible Ride to Escape the FBI, Links Between Pizza and Wealth Management and More

There’s been quite a bit of hand-wringing and frustration expressed by folks across the industry about how the delta variant of COVID-19 is negatively impacting their autumn travel plans.

On the one hand, I can sympathize (I guess).  On the other hand, when you’re stuck in Phoenix, Arizona year-round, there’s only so much sympathy you can really offer to anybody else.

Just the other day, I grabbed lunch at a local sports bar (as if there were any other kind of bar in Phoenix) just to get a change of scenery from my one-bedroom apartment in a walk-up building.

I was outside of my car for maybe a total of ten minutes, but those were the longest ten minutes of my life.  It was 112 degrees, according to the local weather news.  And when you’re on the “husky” side of body shapes as I am, 112 degrees might as well be 200 degrees.  

Of course, that didn’t stop me from pounding down a double patty burger with chili cheese fries when I got to the bar.  In for a penny, in for a pound – Or if you’re me, many, many pounds.

The food wasn’t great, but the inane chatter around me was even worse.  The one moment when I found myself chewing extra hard, with my mouth open, just to create enough mastication noise to (sort of) drown out the nearby conversations was when the cliché of cliches about life in Phoenix emerged:  “The summer’s not really that bad, because it’s a dry heat.”

But as always, I can rely on the incredibly weird news about the wealth management industry to lift my moods, and this month’s order of extra weird with gross on the side will not disappoint.

1) After wild police chase, submarine adviser hauled in by Feds

“A California man wanted by the FBI for his part in an alleged $35 million Ponzi scheme tried to outrun the authorities on Monday by diving underwater using a small, submersible device, according to federal investigators.”

Where did this guy get his escape plan from, the last scenes of the first season of “Fargo”? Even in California, diving into a lake in the middle of November isn’t going to be a good move. 

“Wow! This is fun AND I can avoid the FBI!”

Also, just so we’re clear this is not the military grade submarines you picture when you hear the word “submarine.” This, my friends, was a Yamaha Seascooter 350Li (link to the Yamaha website included here if you’d like to purchase one yourself.).   

Finally, this is a LAKE.  There’s no scenario here that ends with the guy coming out of the other end in a non-extradition country in, say, the Caribbean.

Does “ETF” stand for “Eat the Fund”?

To read the full article by Bruce Kelly of InvestmentNews please click here to go to the InvestmentNews website.

2) Fidelity uses burritos and pizza to educate investors via TikTok

“Fidelity is putting out food-related TikTok posts and working with influencers in a bid to explain financial fundamentals to younger investors and attract them as clients, according to news reports.”

This marketing campaign, aimed at the typically younger users of the social media platform TikTok, likens a burrito with many ingredients to a well diversified mutual fund, and pizza to parallel a targeted budget. Now, this is the kind of “financial health and wellness” I can get behind.

To read the full article by Alex Padalka of Financial Advisor IQ please click here to go to the Financial Advisor IQ website.

3) A socialist adviser helps far-left clients accumulate wealth while fighting for financial fairness

“Some might assume a devout socialist would find little joy in the uber-capitalistic world of financial planning, where the focus is often around participating in the financial markets to amass wealth and secure independence.

But that’s not how Zach Teutsch sees it — and he doesn’t hold back when explaining why.”

While some might see this as a bit of an oxymoron, maybe Zach is ahead of the curve. Given the sentiment of the younger generation, maybe these two ideas aren’t as mutually exclusive as they seem on the surface. To borrow a quote from The Matrix: “I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t need financial advice.”

To read the full article by Jeff Benjamin of InvestmentNews please click here to go to the InvestmentNews website.

4) Best Week Ever: Advisors who turned down ‘free money’

“In the early days of the pandemic, the US government unveiled an ambitious series of programs to keep businesses afloat and pour money back into the economy. Many of these appeared to be effective.  

“Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.”

But they also created what one insider described to The Washington Post as ‘a feeding frenzy,’ whereby Americans whose businesses were not actually impacted, or who may not truly have been business owners at all, applied for and in many cases received firm-focused funds simply by fudging a few forms.”

This is the perfect example of when free money isn’t so free. Next time there is a global super virus, be sure to remember that getting a few extra federal dollars in the short term may not be worth losing your career over.

To read the full article by Citywire RIA please click here to go to the Citywire USA website.

5) LPL advisor allegedly says she will not hire Black applicants

“An LPL Financial advisor told her team that she didn’t want to interview any Black job applicants for an open position in her office, according to videos posted on TikTok and shared widely on social media.”

This story really doesn’t need any editorializing from me, frankly.

To read the full article by Cynthia Fernandez and Jessica Lerner of Financial Planning please click here to go to the Financial Planning website. 

James Miller, Contributing Editor & Research Analyst at Wealth Solutions Report, can be reached at

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